Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
