puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
