So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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