This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
