i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
