Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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