Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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