someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
