I smell stomach acid.
I need to stop coming to work sober
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
