Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
