How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
