i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
whose parrot is this?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
