I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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