He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
