so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No subtext here. People are naked.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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