hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
