burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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