Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
