God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The best revenge is premature balding
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
