Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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