5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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