You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
