Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
