my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
