I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
