I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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