you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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