dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
