i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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