i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
