no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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