I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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