She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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