Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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