Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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