4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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