Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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