you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
