Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
