So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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