i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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