Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
