And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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