A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
