Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
