some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
