Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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