I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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