Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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