How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
