READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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