cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
