I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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