Sry I called you an 8
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
