I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
