i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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