I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
