I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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