DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
