Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
