Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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