I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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