Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
