Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
