my sisters under your porch take her home
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
