he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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