you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
