boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
