My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize